meditation

i was first exposed to the study of meditation in the early 90′s, when i first started to study the chinese art of yang-style taijiquan.  i had simultaneously started studying the japanese art of kendo, and thought i needed to balance out my life with a little taijiquan meditation.  at that time, i had no idea what taijiquan really was.  i only thought that it was a pretty, choreographed series of movements that help to bring peace of mind.   and that was something missing from my life.

i had no idea that taiji was, first and foremost, a martial art.  my first instructor was very keen on emphasizing that from the beginning, although i could initially not understand what she could have meant because we were taught very slowly and moved very slowly.  i never considered myself a fighter, and i wasn’t too keen on the idea of a confrontation, so i never really let my inability to see taiji as a martial art bother me too much.  instead i concentrated on the mechanics of the form and trying to get my body to move the way i wanted it to move.

i’ve had my body my entire life, and it never occurred to me that i could not really control my body.  i just took it for granted that my body was there and it would move the way i wanted it to move, when and how i wanted to move it.